Psychologists produce psychic social network

American psychologists working in London have teamed up with French educationalists to produce a new social network that understands your motives and intentions based upon what you type in. They hope to use the new system to eliminate the considerable amount of time wasting that goes on as a result of social networking.

One of the main problems with social networks is the time they take up. Recent studies suggest that the average employee is now spending two hours each day on social network activities, including Facebook and Twitter. The reduced productivity is causing headaches for many companies whose only option appears to be to ban online social networking in the office – thereby losing any marketing benefits they bring.

However, as Professor Rabbi Rind explained earlier this morning in an interview, lots of time could be saved if the social networks knew what you wanted to type and did much of the work for you. It seems as though the first “psychic” social network has been produced by the cross-Channel team.

It works like this. Artificial intelligence built into the social network starts learning your typing style and also analyses the way you use your online connections. Over a period of about six weeks it can understand how you use the social network (assuming you use it every day) and can then type in relevant messages automatically to help you maintain your online connections.

According to the Paris-based educationalists who came up with the original concept, this will save hours of typing and online activity as the new social network will enable you to relax, sit back and let it represent the real you online. Alternatively, says the French Organisation for Online Learning, you could use the time saved to do productive work.

Professor Rabbi Rind, from the American Psychological Research Institute of London, agrees but goes even further. He claims that even when you have died, the social network will be able to carry on working for you, as it will have learned so much about you that the artificial intelligence can keep you alive online, forever.

Other psychologists from the American Psychological Research Institute of London (APRIL) suggest that Professor Rabbi Rind (whose name is an anagram of Birdbrain) is taking things too far and they side with the French Organisation for Online Learning (FOOL) which wants the system to work only when you are using it. “The thought that we could become immortal due to artificial intelligence online is too much like science fiction to even consider, ” said the FOOL’s leading consultant, Professor U. Vebeenhad.

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