As you read this, somebody somewhere is busy trawling through a long list of files, going “only another 2.9m to go”. I pity the poor people who have to wade through the enormous amount of information released by the US Department of Justice regarding the Epstein scandal.
Even though reporters have only been able to review a tiny fraction of the material, it has already had dramatic consequences. A former prince has had to make a hasty retreat to the Norfolk countryside. A former lord has had the police knock on his door. And a former law firm chief has taken a hasty exit. Before long, we might also be talking about a former Prime Minister.
While we were all aghast at what the documents revealed, it became clear that the position of those involved could no longer be defended. Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor had insisted for years that a picture of him had been “doctored” and was fake. The Epstein files revealed this week that it was a true picture, and therefore, the former prince was economical with the truth.
At the same time, Peter Mandelson was shown to have been lying about his involvement and was literally caught with his trousers down.
On Wednesday, Sir Keir Starmer tried to avoid answering a question about what he knew, only to give in and tell the truth after three attempts to get him to open up.
That’s three men all trying to stick to a particular position, even when the game was up.
But it is not just the Royals and politicians who refuse to budge on what they are saying. We see it in businesses every day. Somebody in a meeting, despite the mounting evidence against their ideas, will stick to their view, digging in further. Surely they know that it’s time to stop defending their position? Obviously not. Eventually, it ends in embarrassment for them, with the rest of us grateful the conflict is over but wondering why they took so long to change after digging in their heels.
Welcome to the murky psychological world of fragile egos. At the heart of this problem is self-esteem. When it is low, this leads individuals to distort reality in their minds. It also fosters a sense of entitlement, particularly among men when they have very high self-esteem. Add in a sprinkling of cognitive dissonance, a dash of sunk cost fallacy, and a spoonful of “fight-or-flight”, and you have the perfect recipe for someone to continue to defend the indefensible. It is a complex mixture of psychological factors.
Of course, none of us wants to be that person in the room who has dug in their heels and is not prepared to move on their position. So, how can we guard against doing that?
The first step is to buy thinking time under pressure, before fight-or-flight kicks in. Controlling your breathing and slowing it will alter your blood chemistry, helping reduce the anxiety that affects your desire to defend your viewpoint. Focus on your breathing for a couple of minutes. Breathe in slowly while mentally counting to five. Hold your breath for another five. Breathe out for a further five. Do this, and you will reduce the chances of stress and anxiety forcing you to dig in.
The next step is to focus on thinking about the future in relation to the topic you are discussing. By constantly looking backwards, you increase your susceptibility to the sunk cost fallacy. At the same time, instead of making statements about your position, ask others questions about their viewpoint. This will help you reduce the likelihood of fixed-mindset ideas taking hold.
Finally, try to concentrate on one idea or theme at a time. When we try to defend our perspective, we often aim to “cover all bases” and start talking about every angle we can think of. That’s distracting and helps increase cognitive dissonance. One idea at a time can be a tremendous help.
Also, if your self-esteem is on shaky ground, consider seeking therapies such as mindfulness or cognitive behavioural therapy. Both can help alleviate self-esteem issues. Do that, and you will not keep trying to defend your position when it is not necessary. You should stop defending your position the moment defending it becomes more important than getting to the right answer.
However, if you are not the person who is always defending the indefensible, then some gentle advice to those who do that could help reduce conflicts at work. If you are not sure how to advise them, please forward this newsletter and suggest they read it…! But please do not connect me with a former prince or a former lord, thank you.
