Last night, I switched on the radio to hear Margaret Thatcher declare victory at the end of the Falklands War. I wondered, for a moment, if I had been transported back in time. Instead, it was the opening to a news item about a leaked Pentagon document. The memo suggested that the USA would no longer recognise the UK’s administrative rights over the Falkland Islands. The idea was that this would exact revenge on the UK for not supporting Donald Trump in the Iran war.
Presumably, the author had never heard Gandhi’s remark that “an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind”. Or perhaps the memo’s writer had not checked up on what Einstein might have said on the topic. When asked about revenge, he supposedly said, “Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.”
I was discussing this with a friend the other day, who told me that one of his bosses at his company is busy plotting revenge. Apparently, this senior manager was annoyed by a junior colleague who challenged the boss’s ideas. Rather than discussing the challenge, the younger member of staff was admonished for his suggestions. But at subsequent meetings, the boss has been telling other colleagues how he plans to “get his own back” on the “young upstart”. I told my friend that this is not leadership but insecurity dressed up as authority. I said that the boss needs to be challenged, perhaps even formally, through an HR procedure. That’s because, if left unchallenged, the behaviour will damage the business culture.
My friend’s colleague might want to read the latest research from Everett Worthington, a psychologist whose work has specialised in the study of forgiveness. This study confirms the findings of many other research projects, demonstrating that seeking revenge is bad for your health. Trying to exact revenge on someone will actually make you ill.
Yet, some people cannot avoid seeking revenge. Research published a few months ago in Toronto, Canada, showed that people hold a grudge when their feelings are hurt, which makes them angry. The combination of hurt feelings and anger appears to be the source of the problem. Also, people who hold grudges perceive the person who has made them angry as immoral.
The business leader at my friend’s firm clearly saw the criticism from a more junior colleague as immoral, which upset and angered him. Equally, the misguided belief that the UK has a moral duty to support the US President lies behind the decision to take revenge by refusing to recognise the sovereignty of the Falklands.
There is an answer to this problem. According to Japanese researchers, you can get rid of your anger – and thereby the need for revenge – in a straightforward way. All you do is write down what has made you angry. Then screw that paper up and throw it in the waste bin. In the Japanese study, this simple action completely eliminated participants’ anger.
If you feel the urge to get your own back at work, don’t. Write it down. Screw it up. Throw it away. Then get on with doing something useful instead. Because revenge doesn’t make you stronger. It just makes you smaller.
