Online limitations proposed which will see tighter controls starting today

Today sees the introduction of new rules regarding the Internet across Europe. These new rules have been hurriedly arranged in secret so that they can be in place before Brexit happens in less than a year from now.

New rules on laptop screen

Governments across Europe have been concerned about the impact of the Internet for some time. Recent revelations that have concerned politicians include:

  • Misuse of data from social networks
  • Establishment of a connection between Internet usage and reductions in the emotional health of children
  • Bank of England report linking Internet usage to lower levels of national productivity
  • Increasing evidence of external political interference in country elections

As a result, from today, your usage of the Internet is going to be limited. Countries across Europe now need to implement the “All Purpose Required Internet Limits” in their jurisdictions. The limits mean that each individual will only be allowed to use the Internet for up to two hours per day and only on five days per week. You will have a ten-hour limit per week.

In order to make sure that we abide by these limits, software has already been produced by the Federation Of Online Limiters, a new organisation set up to ensure our online activity is strictly controlled.

The software will be added during today, before noon, automatically by your Internet Service Provider. You cannot delete the software as it is at the ISP server level.

The director of the Federation Of Online Limiters (FOOL) said: “We can detect who is using the Internet and for how long. Once the limits are reached the service will be switched off. Each Internet Service Provider will share the information with others, so you cannot try to get around the system by signing into a different Wi-Fi signal, for example.”

According to one Government source who spoke privately about this new initiative, the All Purpose Required Internet Limits (APRIL) will boost productivity, raise emotional well-being and prevent the country’s elections from being interfered with by outside sources.

For more information on this project please click here.

3 thoughts on “Online limitations proposed which will see tighter controls starting today”

  1. Be mindful of what you are saying, the joke may in fact be not that far from reality sooner than later. The point about productivity is a real important one, I have for some time been pondering if such a TECH enable society has tangibly benefited from always being ONLINE. Since the introduction of affordable mobile phones, has the fact that you can have a business conversation on the move translated into more effective working practices and more profitable business activity??????

    • Thanks for your comments. I ought to be careful with my April Fools, as you say. Several years ago I wrote one and within moments of it being published a Government Department called me to ask who had leaked the information to me? They didn’t seem to appreciate I had made it up, as was shown by a picture of the old-time music hall artist, George Formby, commenting on the topic…! A year after my “April Fool” it became Government policy and is no an everyday aspect of the health service…! So who knows…? My idea this year may well turn into reality? The “Solow Paradox” shows us that the MORE technology we use, the LESS PRODUCTIVE we become. The Bank of England recently showed that economic productivity falls are directly related to mobile phone usage.

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